Thursday, May 12, 2005

.:juz a little crush...:.

i bet juz a little crush won't hurt...he's got this cute soulful eyes heheh though i haven't totally stared and gazed into his eyes i juz know that his are different among others heheh...juz a little crush that's all there is ;) i don't even know his name, better that way hehehe juz a little crush...

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

.:huling hirit sa taginit:.

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The shores of Talipanan Beach in Puerto Galera... saturday, May 7, 2005...Planned time of departure was 4am, venue: Wendy's Buendia. I didn't worry about being late since i only lived a few blocks away from the bus statin in Buendia. Though i was confident that i'll arrive on time, i still made sure that all of my things are packed the night before we left(which was unlikely of me, i usually cram...hehe). The night of May 6, 2005 Friday, i was with gem at glorieta, he fetched me in my office then met up wid frends at the mall. Finally, i was able to introduce him to my frends...proof that he's not just a figment of my imagination... around 11pm we bade each other goodbye then i started to pack my things...vwoala! it's a miracle that i was able to fit all of my things in juz one bag) i kept tossing and turning on my bed... checking on the time... 't'was juz around 1am'... zzzz...zzzzz..zzzzz...wid my cel fone juz within my reach, i saw d red light flashing (syn that there's a missed col or unread text message)...i juz ignored it and dozed off again. There it was again, continuously flashing that red light... finally i had pulled up enough strength to see who or wat it was...to my surprise someone was calling me at 4:30 am.. Porchop!!!!!!!! then there it reached it's maximum rings and my fone was unattended at the other end of the line... i gez i was too tired n ignored the call.. 5, 10, 15 minutes and i came to my senses... i saw other missed calls, from buley, bils!! then i stood up, woke my mom up and hurried to freshen up... i was freakin' LATE!!!!!!!! hahah the rest of the gang was trying to convince the bus driver to wait but it was already filled wd angry passengers who juz can't wait to reach galera!

a few minutes later... there i was alone in the bus with strangers headed for galera..scared for it was my first time to travel alone going to the port of Batangas... but happy coz i get to join my frends :) the funny thing was, they left 30 to 45 min earlier but i arrived first at the port :) and d rest was history...

Thursday, May 05, 2005

..lyf's great..

if only there's a cure for anxiety... no matter how hard i try not to worry about things, i juz can't help myself.what's worst is that all my fears and worries are unfounded and immaterial! it's eating up most of my time. i end up spaced out...(cguro nga may konti akong naipon at nakabili na ko ng sarili kong MUNDO). if some people are called the'warrior' who fyts for their life..then i gez i would have to be the 'worrier' who worries about life... im sure, one way or the other people have worries too, but that's different. mine are senseless...i ought to do something about this but im too weak to fight nor resist it.. at times i would think that i love being in this situation, that's why i always get myself to worry...success is sweeter once achieved after torturing myself with all those worries.. *sigh*...(i've read from this novel that there are people who can't admit to themselves that they long for the feelings of uncertainty and despair) i was kinda hoping that i was like that, one gud reason would be..so that i won't have to whine about every single worry that i have! arrrghhh! i worry of wat others have to say or think... (well for one, kaya nga others...kzed ko kilala so y worry about them)... or wat the future myt bring (kaya nga future kze d pa dumarating, so deal with the present...kaya rin present kze it's a gift na dapat i-treasure once given)... i worry about the past... (past is past, can't go back and change it, can't do anything about the past...hay nakakaloka!) here i go again...i need a shrink..iv got to get myself some professional help...*deep sigh*

Friday, April 01, 2005

Vent

writing for me is a therapy...it helps me release my suppressed feelings... and now i decide to write...
i wasn't able to get a good night sleep... im so wasted and now i feel so low... i gez iv had my share of the "ups" of life and it's my turn to feel the "downs"... I just wish I wasn't!

I’m home alone again
And you’re out hangin’ with your friends
So you say
Somehow I know it’s not quite that way
I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So you couldn’t hurt me
It just ain’t fair the way you treat me
No, you don’t deserve me

Wasted my time thinkin’ ‘bout you
And you ain’t never gon’ change
I wish I wasn’t in love with you
So I wouldn’t feel this way
This song has nothing to do with my current situation...i just felt like injecting it into this thread, that's all... but funny how true this song speaks of situations...
...gives out a deep sigh...

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

dreamy...

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taken by: Kyle 032405

...the perfect sunset...

EL SOMBRERO adventure


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El Sombrero Island, Anilao Batangas
March 24-26, 2005



Wednesday, March 09, 2005

keeping it real...

i can't have it all... things don't always go my way... the more i expect, the more disappointed i get... i can never change someone according to wat i want, that person is d only one who could change himself... m n d process of learning how to compromise... dey say it's a give and take... this futile mind of mine keeps dictating that im doing all the work but in reality it's d other way around... i know iv got to put an end to this and soon!

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

thankful...

yesterday, i thought i was about to end a wonderful relationship...i've never been this scared before... i've been putting so much energy into my fears rather than into building a more stable relationship... i know i have lots of things to be thankful for...(everyone has! maybe juz like me, we're juz too blinded with our fears, doubts and anxieties to see them)

FLASHBACK!
FEB 25, 2005 - 10:00 pm...Our whole team went to EK (grbe d ko pala to pinagpasalamat, imagine an escape from city life tpos for free and syempre im wid d fun people of retek din! So thank God for this day) I had a great time...so much fun hanging wid my teammates... i endured the heat of the son, hurrah! i got the chance to sit at the back of the van (this is where cool kids used to sit during our h.s. days heheh, right gery?) so kahit sobrang sikip na naming apat nila marge, gers and gery dun ayun tiniis namin coz we're cool heheheh, it's fun forgetting my old self and becoming a kid again...t'was good...

FEB 25, 2005 - 6:00 pm...it was time for me to go...i felt a twinge of sadness as i left EK but upon seeing my dear frend everything lit up again... i'v missed him so much even if it was only a day that i haven't seen him. He invited me to his house and to my surprise he introduced me to his parents... GOSH! i was soooo happy (so thankful!) it's wat iv always wanted... his parents were really nice... i ate dinner wid dem and eventually i felt at home... iv been to their house before but this time it was different... basta d ko maipaliwanag un saya...ewan ko ba kung bakit ganun...ung mga gantong pagkakataon eh bigla bigla nlng natatabunan ng mga takot at pangamba...

after a few hours his friends arrived... i was in cloud 9 hahaha...

then...it's time... he escorted me back to our house... the day ended but the memories would forever linger... t'was good...

FEB 28, 2005... i can't believe it..im being paranoid again... i doubted his feelings, more so his intentions which he evidently proved me wrong... another thing to be thankful about is the fact that he cares for me and that he's mature enough to deal with my childishness..though it sucks that i get to be sermoned at every once in a while, i know 'tis also for my own good n that he really does care for me...

another thing.. i thank God for the friends i have whom i can always trust and count on.. i love them so much! yesterday... t'was good...

AT PRESENT...
'tis a new day... Note to self...remember the scene from LOTR The Return of the King... frodo was looking at Mt. Mordor and was almost losing hope...wen sam wise said... let's first go down the slope...iv got to take that first step in order for me to reach that place where i can finally rest myself upon...